Its a Taradox.

It has certainly been a long time Blogger buddy... I apologize for ignoring you. I believe I should catch everyone up (not that anyone's reading...) I've been struggling with depression, anxiety, muscle spasms, insomnia, joint pain, brain fog, IBS, migraines, allergies, food/chemical sensitivity and muscle fatigue for quite some time and although some people don't believe in Fibromyalgia... I do. So if you're going to criticize me or tell me my symptoms are fake then you can stop reading, and fuck off. Its an everyday struggle for me to even wake up... The alarm goes off and I have two options. 1. Tackle the day or 2. Let the day tackle me. Some days are better than others that is for sure but that moment my alarm goes off I immediately have to get into the mind set that... "I can... and I will..." if i hesitate for 1 second and hit the snooze button everything falls apart for that extra 10 minutes of sleep is an excuse to procrastinate the entire day and blame it on my condition. Imagine that fear every day... fear that you and only you can prevent yourself from conquering the day, conquering your illness... Everyday of your god damn life. Its a struggle... its climbing the same mountain, everyday, the same way you did it before. Following in your own footsteps... day in and day out because no one can climb your mountain for you... no one else can blaze your trail. The hardest part is doing it alone. Who wouldn't want company when you walk the same path everyday? I don't need someone to carry me... I don't need someone to push me... or lead me... or hold my hand... or tell me you can do it, it'll be okay... I'm here for you. Maybe I need someone I can pull up this mountain with me, someone to follow in my footsteps... let me blaze their trail... I don't need a shoulder to cry on to get me through me struggle. I need someone to cry on my shoulder so I know I'm not alone.

sick and tired...

of being sick and tired!

Well its been over 3 weeks now and I've been plagued! What started out as allergies, progressed into a sinus infection which I stubbornly didn't seek treatment for immediately. I finally went to the doctor and she scolded me for letting it progess that far... a z-pack later I was back at the doctor getting blood work and chest x-rays and found out i have pneumonia and possibly chronic mono... Now I'm on a round of steroids, another z-pack and singulair. I'm completely at my whits end here. The steroids make me slightly irritable, and by slightly I mean INCREDIBLY... However, the fact that I've been sick for 3 weeks doesn't help the irritability at all.

Okay but I'm all about silver linings... so here it is..

The save the dates are ready to be sent out as soon as my stamps arrive! WOO HOO! Yes yes I splurged on stamps to match the STD's... Call it silly if you must. I know they're just going to end up in the trash anyway...
I got to watch a lot of house, discovery channel, movies and (my fav) HGTV the past few days...
We took a trip (or 2) to the new Lowes just down the road to purchase some new light fixtures and ceiling fans to replace the horrendous 1950's fixtures that were here when we moved in.. We also bought a nifty electric heater that looks like a gas stove which is currently keeping the living room nice and toasty while I blog.
Got some laundry done... however only a little bit at a time since its incredibly difficult to do anything physical when you can't take a deep breath.
In other wedding related news... check out the registry at Ourwishingwell.com!
That's about as silver as the lining gets...

I hope my test results come back okay tomorrow. Apparently swollen lymph nodes are indicative of some very not pretty illnesses... Fingers crossed!!!

baad blogger! BAD BAD BLOGGER!

So, FSIL scolded me via facebook earlier for a blog update... And now I'm scolding myself! Its been 1 month since my last post! Sheeesh! A lot can happen in a month... and well, as always, I'm at work... but I caught a few mins to atleast give an update via mobile pictures!



Well, it just so happens I turned 24 on Aug 2nd... so a lot of really fun things happened... dinner, parties, kidnappings and lots of (responsible) drinking of course... Here's one of my favorites... a buttery nipple! MMMmmmm


Also, a home reno project is underway... TILE!!! You can also see a very welcomed addition into the 9 Clayton family... our new dishwasher!!! :-D



And well, Thor met a new play mate! My dearest college friend Kellie's puppy Harry! Awww!


We've been busy little bees especially since all the birthdays and seemingly endless picnics and parties! Not that I'm complaining or anything...

Well, I do have more pictures at home and I promise not to be such a stranger! Sorry blog world!

inspiration board number 9,854,265

and counting...

Its 3am, I'm working 3rd shift... I'm tired... and I'm using all my energy wedding-ing.

More cardstock and envelope samples are on their way... design is "in progress" as I have like 50 options right in front of me... I have my favorites we just need the hubby's opinion now...

Ahhhhhh less than a year!!!

another inspiration...

So, this wedding planning thing has been full of inspirations.... here is a board made by another bride... she titled is "red and brown rustic wedding" I looove it :-)


image from google images...

dressing the bridal party...

Well, the ladies were easy! (not like that people c'mon...) Now as for the men... I'm completely up in the air!

or...

I'm really all in all a fan of the first combo... but its really hard to tell how its going to alll fit together... I need to SEE it, not just "visualize it" and cut and paste into paint... its just not he same. Hmm, i wonder if I can high jack that dress at beautiful beginnings and sneak it down to deitrich's.... probably not... Soooo many decisions!!!