re-cap, 09

Well, I'd have to say 2009 was hands down, the best year ever. The photo book I made Michael really did a good job at recapping the wonderful 365 days of joy but I'll attempt to do it in words as well.
The day after Mike and I first hung out the day after Christmas 2008... That's when my life really fell into place... The days after Christmas before New Years I absolutely fell in love... of course I didn't say anything yet, but I know we both knew. We spend days and days just telling stories about our lives, sharing pictures and nick knacks, treasures, shells, pottery shards, stuff that wouldn't have meant anything to some people meant the world to us. It was very refreshing to finally find someone who had most of the same values and qualities as I do... generous but frugal, adventurous and prepared, smart and silly. Although we couldn't tell my brother or half of Mike's friends for fear of poor Mike getting his ass kicked... we saw each other everyday. Michael took care of me when I was sick... we watched movies with my mom, we drank wine, we had a lot of fun...
Then, we welcomed our first "child" together.. Pepito. Now, Mike and I had not planned on getting a puppy "together" but I had been begging my mother for months about getting a puppy. So I put in an application for this little guy who has the saddest story to tell... Pepito has 2 brothers and 3 sisters... Unfortunately some ****head decided that it would be a good idea to get rid of the puppies by putting them in a burlap sack with rocks and throwing them into a lake... Pepito's sisters didn't make it :-(. Luckily the 3 boys did. I put in an application for any of them, Pep, Ponch and Patch and Beth matched me with Pep because he was the underdog of the three and she thought he would love my ferrets. So the morning of Jan 10th we drove out to Mount Bethel to retrieve our little bundle of joy... I stress LITTLE, he was only 5 pounds!!! So while I went to work, Michael took Pepito everywhere with him... he met his cousins Katy and Calie, his aunts Lily and Jessie, his uncle Bear of course... also Archie... his kitten friends Pumpkin, Cali and Fiona and his ferret friends Rocky, Gus, Princess, and Riki! We trained him and loved him as much as any two new happy parents could of course.
Shortly after our new arrival Mike and I decided that it was too damn cold in PA and we needed a vacation! So, we planned a cruise in April!! We drove to Miami, which for most couples would be a pretty awful experience but it was rather enjoyable for us. Mike did nearly all the driving, and I did a lot of sleeping but we also had a lot of really fun conversations... plus we got to stop in St. Augustine and play on the beach for a little bit. We had the most amazing time on our cruise... everyone thought we were newlyweds and we hadn't even been dating for 4 months. We did everything and anything we possibly could... kayaking, snorkeling, parasailing, rock climbing, beach lounging, buffet eating, we dressed up, we didn't get dressed at all, we ate, we slept, we drank, we laughed, we smoked cigars, it felt like a honeymoon! :-) the only bad part about the cruise was it had to end! AHHH Then back to work...
Ah yes, before we left on this cruise we had done some house hunting. Of course people thought we were crazy.. but I knew I wanted to live with Michael, we wanted a place to call our own... to take all our treasures out of boxes and display them proudly all over the living room... So we hunted, we put in 2 offers on 2 houses that we're glad we didn't get after all. The whole experience was a little stressful for me... so I was pretty mad at Mike when we didn't get the 2nd house. So I told him I wasn't going to go look at ANY OTHER houses until he KNEW that this was the house he wanted to spend the rest of our lives in... Well, low and behold, a few days later our realtor called Mike with a new listing, its first day on the market. So Michael went to take a look at 9am and left me and the pup at home. About an hour later, I was told I needed to come see the house. Reluctantly, I agreed... despite the fact I thought I was in for more heartache and let-down. So, my mom, Michael and I went to see the little brick cape cod on Clayton Ave. We closed about a month later, June 30th, 2009. We painted, and moved, a decorated and spent our first night in our new house on July 4th... how fitting INDEPENDENCE DAY!!! Haha.
Our next big milestone was our 2nd pup, Thor, the 95lb black lab/horse/bear/goat mix from Bloomsburg. Thor arrived on Aug 2, my 23 birthday, what a great present! What a destructive and adorable addition to our family. Pepito and Thor are the best of friends.. Pito will jump on poor Thor's head and bite his paws and Thor doesn't seem to mind at all. They're a good pair. Ah yes, the list of things that Thor has eaten grows by the day... a plate of brownies, a jar of Hershey kisses (which made Thor poo shiny golden nuggets that sparkled in the yard...), a $90 Ralph Lauren pump (fortunately I found the same pair, online on sale for 40... my favorite shoes!), Mike's photo book, a box of chalk, a tube of furo-vite, wrapping paper, Christmas ornaments, and god only knows what else he destroyed and left no evidence of... Ohhhh Thor.
1 last milestone for the year, that I originally forgot about when first posting this blog... Michael started college!!!!! He's going for his associates in Mechanical Engineering at Penn State Berks right now... I hope that he changes his mind and goes for his Bachelor's but, as long as he's happy I'm happy. He's doing very well! He completely his first semester successfully! 1 down, 3 to go. I'm so proud of him... it takes a lot of guts to go back to school when you're not old enough to be "a non-traditional" student but you're too old to go to frat parties. I don't think he realizes just how proud of him I am... but I really really am sooo proud of my hunny! <3
A few random trips were scattered in there somewhere Assateague Island, Maryland was a BLAST. I hope we do this every year. I loved every second of it... even though I got eaten alive. We went to MD to help Ben and Jackie move... we went to Delaware with Kristi and Jon... a hike to the pinnacle with puppy Pito, a Flyers game, many Royals games, many man trips to Cousins, the Westy, Pappy T's, even some bowling, and many dinner dates later... brings us to our first Christmas.
Mike proposed on Dec 13th :-) making me the happiest most excited girl in the world... Then unfortunately, my baby ferret Rocky passed away on Dec 20th... but the days go on, Christmas was sure to follow, as it did. It was nice to spend the days with our families. I couldn't ask for a better family to marry into. They're amazing... I've only met them all a few times yet they gave me the PERFECT gifts that I LOOOVE every single one of. It was a great Christmas.
Sadly, all good things come to an end and it back to work for a 3 day week then, New Years!!! I'm really excited to see what this new year will bring! I can't imagine it being more full of excitement then 09 but hey, I could be wrong... We could hit the lottery or something, maybe find some amazing dream job... I guess we'll have to wait and see.
I do know one thing though, as long as I have Mike, anything is possible. Its just been such a year of growth and learning for me... everything I thought I knew about love was, completely wrong. Some people say that love is all you need, but I've come to learn that love is just one of the many things you need to make a relationship work... compromise, maturity, understanding, intelligence, humour just to name a few. A few years back I thought the only thing you needed to "be in love" was just to love someone and have them love you in return. Turns out that no matter how much someone loves you, if they're some asshole idiot who takes you for granted and treats you like dirt than you need more than love. That combination only makes misery... which is a feeling I had closely associated with love. So here's to all those assholes! Thanks for nothing.
I love you Michael, you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me... I've had a lot of bad experiences with men and you have completely undone all the damage I thought was irreparable. Maybe I don't deserve you, but I am damn happy and very proud to have you. <333 Thank you for making this the best year of my life... and here's to many many more!

beating myself up...

Today has been very... trying, to say the least. There is just something about Tuesdays that I always despise... and eventhough I only have 1 more day of work left before I get to spend the long Christmas weekend with Michael, the dogs and our families I am just absolutely miserable beyond belief today. Maybe its because Michael woke me up entirely too last to even get a shower before work... maybe I'm in the anger phase of accepting Rocky's death... maybe its just the stress of it all but I've never want to STRANGLE EVERYONE SO BAD! I just want to scream at the top of my lungs as loud as I possibly can.... just AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! The grimmace on my face does not even begin to scratch the surface of the rage I'm feeling right now. My heart is beating a mile a minute and my brain isn't working at all. Work is nearly impossible. I'm a lab tech, I test lab samples. That's all I do, that's what I get paid to do and for some reason today, I just cannot come to terms with that. Everytime I see a sample in my sample bin I feel like God himself is torturing me somehow. I. just. want. to. scream. Now I'm nearly in tears just thinking about all the emotions I'm feeling right now that I'm unable to express. There's just no logical way to express such anger. I don't believe I've ever been so enraged, at all. Everyone is my enemy today.. even the bastards that gave me perfect little thoughtful Christmas presents, the DJ on B104 who's playing my favorite song, Mike who only wants to help, everyone working here right now. What is this lump in my throat? Why are these tears in my eyes? 2 more days til Christmas and I feel so awful I could curb stomp Santa Claus himself. There's clearly something wrong with me... a bad chord in my head strummed the wrong way causing imminent catastrophe. I feel like a child in who can't get the toy they want, kicking and screaming, red in the face, tears streaming down, making a total fool out of oneself, over what? I just want to go home, and cry for days... forget Christmas, forget New Years... I don't want my presents. I just want to wallow in my own self-pity. I am an empty shell of what I once was... my heart's broken in a million peices, I am numb to the world. Lock me away, I feel as though I don't deserve anything I have... my job, my house, my fiance, this ring, my dogs, my ferrets who are still alive... I don't deserve a damn thing. I just can't seem to snap out of this, I know its only been 2 days but how long does the pain last? How long can I blame myself? How long can I beat myself up before there's nothing left of me? How long? How long can I beat myself up? How long can I bring myself down?

Rocky Raccoon...

Now somewhere in the black mining hills of Dakota
There lived a young boy named Rocky Raccoon
And one day his woman ran off with another guy
Hit young Rocky in the eye Rocky didn't like that
He said I'm gonna get that boy
So one day he walked into town
Booked himself a room in the local saloon.

Rocky Raccoon checked into his room
Only to find Gideon's bible
Rocky had come equipped with a gun
To shoot off the legs of his rival
His rival it seems had broken his dreams
By stealing the girl of his fancy.
Her name was Magil and she called herself Lil
But everyone knew her as Nancy.
Now she and her man who called himself Dan
Were in the next room at the hoedown
Rocky burst in and grinning a grin
He said Danny boy this is a showdown
But Daniel was hot-he drew first and shot
And Rocky collapsed in the corner.

The doctor came in stinking of gin
And proceeded to lie on the table
He said Rocky you met your match
And Rocky said, Doc it's only a scratch
And I'll be better I'll be better doc as soon as I am able.

Now Rocky Raccoon he fell back in his room
Only to find Gideon's bible
A Gideon checked out and he left it no doubt
To help with good Rocky's revival.


My favorite Beatles song... inspired the name of my little Rocky nearly 3 years ago. When my mom and I went to pick Rocky out from the petstore, he was the tiniest little guy there and all the larger ferrets wouldn't let poor Rocky get to the food dish. How could I resist? I took my little runt home... its sad to think that the first days I spent with Rocky were very much like his last... Rocky was so tiny and frail when he first set foot into the Beretsky family... I would constantly check on the little tyke to make sure he was still breathing. Rocky had a great life. He had many ferret friends, and adventures. I never met an animal or a person who didn't love Rocky and who Rocky didn't love in return... except that time he tried to eat my hamster dizzy lizzy. Rocky spent most of his life in Kutztown in my smelly cruddy little Cliff's house, he also stayed with Emily, the Beretsky and finally, 9 Clayton ave. Rocky had frequent visitors and long-time friends... a kitty named pounce, a pitbull named Roxy, a boxer name Cleo, his uncle Bear the collie, Riki, Rosco, Andre, Cody, Pippin, Daisy, Gus-gus, Sushi, Gus and Princess, his ferret friends... Unfortunately, Rocky came down with an unknown condition which caused him to become severely anemic... dispite mommy and daddy's efforts Rocky passed away early yesterday morning in his sleep. I am absolutely devestated. Rocky and I were two peas in a pod... he went everywhere with me... Punkin' Chunkin' contests, the SUB, Weis, Geology Club, the green house, the eco plot... my fovrite memory of Rocky is when the ice-storm hit Kutztown a few years back... Rocky and Riki were at 600S with me and they had the opportunity to go "sledding" down the front yard. What a site to see these two... sliding down the ice, they loved every second of it.

Rocky was your typical ferret... he liked to eat kitten food and puppy food, hoard pizza crust, makes nests out of random paper products lying around the house, steal socks, chew on my crocs, crawl in my drawers, climb his cage, scale the screens on the windows, chase the vacuum cleaner, give ferret kisses, play with pitbulls, chase hamsters, dig in the dirt, poop in front of doors, hide in the closet, eat kellie's birthday gag-gift (a large rubber dildo)... Rocky was always up to something... His favorite place was under my sweatshirt or in my coat pocket, cleverly named the Rocket Pocket. There are so many memories I have of the little guy... He was my best friend during a part of my life where I was struggling with relationships, taking on too much responsibility, spreading myself too thin, graduting college, moving across the country, moving back, finding the love of my life, buying a house, and getting engaged. There's nothing that could cheer me up when I was at my lowest like an arm full of ferrets. He was more than a stinky weasel he was a companion I will never forget. Perhaps Rocky had been sick all along... it seems as though as soon as he knew I had a good man to take care of me he no longer had to protect me, and he gave up fighting... One week after Michael and I got engaged one of the saddest days in my life occurred. There's a theory that when good things happen, bad things follow and vice versa, maybe it was just the vicious circle that is life. I don't think I've ever cried so much as I did yesterday. Its hard to lose anything, a pet, a loved one... but I have never lost anything that was in my care. Rocky's life was in my hands and there was nothing I could do to help. I was powerless and that's what hurts the most. Some people have said that "well, he's just a ferret"... well, a lot has changed in my life since Rocky first appeared... he was the only constant thing I had to hold on to for over 2 years. He was, my Rock. No matter how bad things got, Rocky was always there. I wish there was a way to thank him... but I think he understood. Rocky was always good at licking away my tears and getting me out of bed by attempting to drag important items under my dresser, or knocking over glasses of water... We all miss you Rocky.. your brother and sister especially. They've been looking for you and you are no where to be found. They're lost without you... you're the one who taught them all the good hiding places, and that when you stand up on your hind legs mommy gives you a treat.

I fear I didn't do enough and at the same time I fear I did too much... I tried as hard as I could to keep the little guy alive, did I prolong his suffering? There are a million questions I can ask myself and none of them make me feel any better... When summer comes I hope to plant a tree in Rocky's name where we laid him to rest on Sunday... perhaps a Ginko tree, so we will never forget...

Rest in peace baby boy... you are very loved. I'm sure there are plenty of pens, toothbrushes, pizza crusts, styrofoam plates, socks, notebooks, hair brushes, jingley balls, and anything else your little heart desires up in ferret heaven. Thank you for being part of my life and always making me smile. You truly are a little ferret angel. <3

and the planning begins...

One thing I'm dead set on doing with the help of my green-thumbed mother and aunts of course is growing my own flowers for centerpieces and possibly bouquets. Thank god other people have blogs!!!

http://growflowers.blogspot.com/

http://blog.amystewart.com/wedding.html

love it!!!!

centerpieces of live flowers, in dirt, are probably going to be the name of the game. I truly hate to kill things... especially helpless little beautiful blossoms!!! I'm thinking... an "ecclectic" (michael hates this word) assortment of found pots at flea markets and auctions would be very whimisical. Throw in some home grown flowers and top off the dirt with glass marbles and maybe a starfish or two for good luck ;-) just screams gorgeous to me... tell me if i'm wrong??? Who wouldn't want to take home some beautiful plants to grow for a few months after our wedding and have a lovely pot to remember the occasion forever!? I know I would! :-)

I also will be recruiting my life long friend Amanda to take our wedding pictures. This girl has had a camera attached to her hand since middle school. Not only do I love her, she's amazing! Also, I think we will be asking Jon (kristi's boyfriend) to work his camera magic on our special day.

Now all we need is a big backyard and all the fixins' 1 step at a time of course.

Engagement excitement!!!!

So its not very often I update this thing... I spend too much time playing useless games on facebook while I'm at work. But something happened this weekend that is just beyond too exciting to contain myself!!!

Michael proposed to me Sunday morning! There's kind of a build up to the story that I will now share.... So, for Christmas I made Michael a photo book of our "first year" on Snapfish. It came in the mail last week so I wrapped it and put it under the tree. Michael and I went out Saturday evening to watch the Flyers at Cousins (where we first 'hung out' the day after Christmas 1 year ago). So I wasn't feeling very well and the alcohol hit me harder than it should have.... i.e. I was plastered. So we return to 9 Clayton Ave. to find that the dogs have completely destroyed the presents under the tree, wrapping paper everywhere causing me to have a drunken nervous breakdown, of course. LUCKILY the book that took me like 3 weeks to put together only has minor dog-damage to one corner of it. Mike thinks it "adds character." Which, in a way is true... the dogs have shown their destruction in every inch of our house, why not my Christmas present to Mike? So, I wake up in the morning... feeling just aweful. I truly was a pitiful wreck. So we paged through the photo book together as I pouted and sniffled and coughed, pitifully and then Mike said that it was only fair that since he got his present early, I should get mine. So, he disappears and reappears and hands me a beautifully wrapped box with a bow on it. Of course, deep down I was HOPING I knew what it was... But Mike's pretty slick and I thought maybe he was going to pull a fast one on me and in this tiny little box could've been a number of random tiny things... But after it took me 15 mins to remove the bow and wrapping paper I saw the box was in fact from Murphy's! AHH THEN I OPENED THE BOX to see the shiniest most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life... So, now I'm almost crying and Mike asked "Hunny will you marry me?" Which prompted a quick scolding from me.. "Do you even have to ask!!" It was absolutely perfect... Regardless of the sniffles and the sore throat and the dogs destroying his surprise... it was perfect. I couldn't think of any better place for him to propose other than the house we love so much, in our bed, with our dogs on a lazy lazy Sunday... all cuddled up under the covers on a cold December morning. :-)

My only regret... ordering our Christmas cards last week! I could've been sporting this beautiful three-stone wonder in all our Christmas pictures... Still though, since I plan on ordering another photo book in the first place... I might as well tack on the pictures of the ring and some pictures from Gina's on Christmas Eve and Alice's on Christmas day... and of course Ben and Jackie's on New Years. So then, the book will REALLY be our WHOLE first year... no exclusions!

So many fantastic things have happened this year, its really hard to imagine that this whole thing started with a mass "merry christmas" text message to everyone in the phone... which luckily included Michael! :-) I love the holidays!!! Actually, I love everyday!!! And really... the best is yet to come :-)

We've decided that we will officially tie the knot June 2011, the color scheme is champagne and cranberry (very romantic!)... it will be an outdoor wedding with a "subtle beach theme" and we already found a cake topper!!! :-) and of course I already have a "style" of dress I'll be looking for (not anytime soon of course) but if I happen to stumble upon a bargain I might snatch something up!