Its a Taradox.

It has certainly been a long time Blogger buddy... I apologize for ignoring you. I believe I should catch everyone up (not that anyone's reading...) I've been struggling with depression, anxiety, muscle spasms, insomnia, joint pain, brain fog, IBS, migraines, allergies, food/chemical sensitivity and muscle fatigue for quite some time and although some people don't believe in Fibromyalgia... I do. So if you're going to criticize me or tell me my symptoms are fake then you can stop reading, and fuck off. Its an everyday struggle for me to even wake up... The alarm goes off and I have two options. 1. Tackle the day or 2. Let the day tackle me. Some days are better than others that is for sure but that moment my alarm goes off I immediately have to get into the mind set that... "I can... and I will..." if i hesitate for 1 second and hit the snooze button everything falls apart for that extra 10 minutes of sleep is an excuse to procrastinate the entire day and blame it on my condition. Imagine that fear every day... fear that you and only you can prevent yourself from conquering the day, conquering your illness... Everyday of your god damn life. Its a struggle... its climbing the same mountain, everyday, the same way you did it before. Following in your own footsteps... day in and day out because no one can climb your mountain for you... no one else can blaze your trail. The hardest part is doing it alone. Who wouldn't want company when you walk the same path everyday? I don't need someone to carry me... I don't need someone to push me... or lead me... or hold my hand... or tell me you can do it, it'll be okay... I'm here for you. Maybe I need someone I can pull up this mountain with me, someone to follow in my footsteps... let me blaze their trail... I don't need a shoulder to cry on to get me through me struggle. I need someone to cry on my shoulder so I know I'm not alone.