Just a short recap... Second shift-Friday, First shift- Saturday, Third shift- Sunday. Why would any sane human being do this to themselves? Money. Why am I physcially and mentally exhausted? Money. Money Money Money Money. I now know why people have nervous breakdowns... the more you work, the more money you make, the more taxes they take out... and you're working your ass off... and barely making enough to pay the bills let alone afford all of the amenities I desire... appliances, furniture, paint, decorations, trinkets, vacations, a deck, a finished basement, hot tub, pool, faux stone finish, kitchen tile, and other such HGTV-esk items. Why does it seem like the more money you make, the more you desire? You think the money would be enough... but it never is. When I was flat broke, I was as happy and desireless as a clam... give me food and shelter, I was freaking set. Get me a job, put some money in my bank account and all I want is stuff. I want a house, I want nice things, I want I want I want. And greed is one of those seven deadly sins... not like I think I'm gettin' into heaven anyway... but it makes me feel like a bad person. I don't think I've ever wanted so much in my entire life. Even as a child... give me a lollypop and a stuffed animal I'm the happiest blond hair blue eyed beauty you've ever seen. Now, give me a lollypop and I'll tell you to suck it... I want something way better than sugar on a stick. I wan creme brule, banana's foster, tiramisu. Give me a stuffed animal... yeah, suck on that too. That peice o' junk's a dog toy. Give me a stainless steel dishwasher, a glass range-top and a dark teal washer/dryer combo. So I want these things, and I want them now... and the only way to get it is to make more money... work more hours... leaving less and less time for me to love my hunny, play with my dog, use all my expensive stuff! Its a viscious cycle... you buy things to save time because you don't have any time because you're constantly working to make more money so you can buy things, to save time and money. It makes my brain cells scream. I feel like such... an American. A stereotypical, keep up with the Jones', my shits better than your shit, kind of yuppy that I always hated. I used to be a minimalist... whatever I had was all I needed. Now I'm a materialist. I have to say it does make me feel "grown up" but inside I still want my lollypop. Growing up, having responsibilities isn't something I truly ever imagined myself doing. I was never a fan of "stuff." Now, I love stuff. I want more stuff. I need stuff.... stuff stuff stuff. Its easier to fall into the "stuff" market than it was to stay out and badmouth it. Hell yes, I want STUFF! Things, things to do, things to do nothing with, junk, a sign in my bathroom that says "BATH 5 CENTS." I want knick nacks and doo dads and things with no purpose. I want to fill glass jars, with glass beads and sit them on shelves that are only used to hold my glass jars with glass beads! I want a hot tub, because I've been working my ass off so I can get nice shit.. and I damn well better be able to come home from a long day at work and take advantage of my money, in STUFF form! I feel like I sold out... but I fucking love it. I'm hungry for stuff... I like to walk through stores and pick stuff up, but never buy it... because I'm too good for that stuff. I need better stuff, the best stuff. And if I'm lucky, it'll be on sale. I'll find it at a yard sale, Marshalls, BigLots! Hell yes. This money grubbing, greedy little bitch is a bargain shopper. And why? because you can get more stuff if you don't pay as much for it. I'm always on the prowl for a good find. Hell yes we bought a $6,000 hot tub for $1000 dollars! Where, craiglist mother fuckers. CRAIGSLIST of CHAMPIONS! Where's my favorite necklace from- EBAY. SUCK IT! It was cheap, and it is AWESOME. I love it, I love it, I love it. Bargains bargains bargains! And you know what else? I'll sell someone else my junk, so I can get better junk. You bet your ass, I will. Who says the best things in life are free? The best things in life are ON SALE! Hell yes. The best things in life are $.89 cent burritos, 5 dollar foot-longs, upgrades, bartered. I've got the fever... the fever for a blue light Walmart special. The fever for the FREE section on Craigslist. The FEVER for Ebay! The fever for yardsales and bargain stores, hell even ground scores, curb finds, dumpster diving. Bring it on I say! Bring it on. I guess this is what happens when you become a home owner. The more stuff you own, the more stuff you want to own, another viscious cycle. Then comes upgrading... you can always upgrade... new shit comes out, every single day. Something that's 1 year old is outdated... especially with all this new crazy technology. And "green living" there's always crazy new ideas! Why not get a solar feild? Why not a tankless water heater? Why not collect rain water to flush the toilets... this shit is genius! It saves you money, so you can buy more shit! Oh these market geniuses have really got their claws in me... Them Jones's is screwed son... Move over hunny.. I've got this shit on lock down. Maybe I'm trying to out do my big brothers... maybe it just about finally doing things for myself... But really... its about impressing myself. Its about impressing my loved ones and showing my family I'm not just the little sister. I'm grown up now... I've fallen in love with Mike, I've fallen in love with a house, and I'm going to fall in love with everything in that house. Its about commitment.... and its about love. And I'm in love and absolutely commited to all the stuff I have and will have in the future. Its about... settling down... getting comfortable in the life I want to live forever. Its about our white picket fence, somewhere that's green, with our 2.5 kids and our mini van. Its about sacrificing what I had for what I want and never giving up my dream to live "happily ever after."
sometimes love just happens.. and it happens hard and it happens fast... and you know that in your heart and in your soul.. it just doesn't get any better than this. and I know as long as I live, I'll be happy as long as we can stay, just like this forever
um, why didn't you tell me you had a blog!
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